I'm Always In This Twilight

So, this odd habit of multi-tasking sometimes finds me in the weirdest ways.  Mondays are days that are intended for me to do my paperwork.  I've never liked Monday's much for this very reason.  Although, I admit, occasionally I slack on the work and wander off in another direction entirely.  As I sort through the papers, enter receiveables and write checks I have other things going on in the background.  Usually, I am listening to Pandora, Slacker or some off-beat mixtape site - jotting down names of songs that I want to download.  I catch up on blogs, research, look up recipes, download knitting patterns - all between crunching numbers and working on ad sheets. 

Thanks to a good SL friend I found myself on a little 2 hour tangent today.  She recommended that I check out "Florence & The Machine" and after I started digging around I was swept away.  (Cheers VK)  To the point that I found inspiration.  For the first time in quite a while, I was lost in a rhythm, emotion and the peaceful calm of creation. 

I did a little research on Florence and I think she might be my new best friend.  A quote from her blog, "Florence writes her best songs when she’s drunk or has a hangover, because that’s when the freedom, the feral music comes, creating itself wildly from the fragments gathered in her notebooks and in her head. “You’re lucid,” she explains, “but you’re not really there. You’re floating through your own thoughts, and you can pick out what you need. I like those weird connections in the universe. I feel that life’s like a consistent acid trip, those times when things keep coming back.”

melodia

And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat
I tried to find the sound
But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness,
So darkness I became

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

I took the stars from our eyes, and then I made a map
And knew that somehow I could find my way back
Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too
So I stayed in the darkness with you

Red

I'm feeling a bit slackassed after spending the entire day doing absolutely nothing besides catching up on shows I DVR'd during the week and catching up on laundry.  I did manage to build a small fire in the pit outside only because, still in mid-march, it's cold as all hell. 

One of my promises to myself for this year was to give back.  I have always donated my time in giving cost-free haircuts for donations to "Locks of Love" and  "Beautiful Lengths."  I have often felt that that was not enough.  So, I have been putting myself out there to help.  It's turned into a beautiful thing.

March is National Hemophelia Awareness Month. My salon is raising money by donating 100% of the proceeds from red haircolor to the National Hemophelia Foundation.  We have added red to our hair to show our support and others in our community are following suit.  Hemophelia is a bleeding disorder in which it takes a long time for the blood to clot after trauma.  In more severe cases, serious bleeding may occur without any cause. Internal bleeding may occur and bleeding into joints is common.  Treatment is to replace the missing factor that causes the blood to clot, usually by injections.  Most often, Hemophelia is a condition that is passed down genetically.

 I have involved myself to help the cause because I have a client who has two young boys with Hemophelia.  She has had to inject them with factor every 36 hours since the day they each were born.  Not only do these boys have to endure shots, but their activities are limited due to the disease.  Although, I have to admit you'd never know it by meeting them or interacting with them.  The youngest told me, when I was putting red streaks in his hair, that he wanted to play football but his dad wouldn't let him.  I don't think there's much out there that scares either boy.

Donations can be made at:  http://www.hemophilia.org/NHFWeb/MainPgs/GeneralDonation.aspx

Change

This world we're in, constantly spinning in a never-ending state of flux and change.  With a little luck, it will slow long enough for you to catch your breath.  Go too fast and you start reeling backwards.  Too slow and stagnation sets in and you flounder about in an abyss of humdrum.  After a couple of years off, my brain is bouncing around somewhere between.  Sometimes too slow, often too fast.  The difference lately is that in between the extremes, I settle in my groove.  If I could find my seatbelt I'd strap myself in and just enjoy the ride.  The peace comes with the realization that it is possible to come back after an extended cognitive sabatical.  My skin tingles as I feel it.  I'm on my way back and ready for the change.

Man said "Woman I'm a little tired of you"

And she said "Don't leave me baby
I'll do anything you want me to"
And he said "Can't you do something
About the mess around this place"
She said "Anything baby, anything,
I'll cover my face"

melodia

Firecracker Chocolate and Morning After Dark

Hard to believe that I was laying in the sun just two weeks ago.  Now, I finally get my snow day.  No work. No expectations.  No responsiblity.  Takes me back to the old days and I am totally digging every minute of it.

I took a walk to my favorite spot today.  What a different scene from spring leaves and clear water spilling over the rocks.  The usual paths covered with snow and a bit difficult to navigate, but still manageable.  It got cold and wet so I ran home in the snow witha asong in my head, a smile on my face and my heart racing.  God, I love snow days.

Abandon

I've been called "Type A," "hyper," "spastic."  When I was a kid I called myself "Busy" and my friends have nicknamed me "Bee."  I don't like to sit still.  I  have a hard time concentrating because there's always at least 5 things going on in my head at all times.  Things that happened already.  Things that need to be done. Things that I forgot.  Things I could have done differently.  Things that made me happy.  Things that I loathed.  Things that might happen.

You learn something new everyday, or so you should.  Today I hit 6th gear, purely by accident and it was if myself and my ride connected on a higher level.  Speeding home at dusk, speeding....speeding....speeding.  Then, an undiscovered gear.  Steptronic, I think they call it.  Whatever it is,  the lesson becomes much more obscure.  My lips curled into a slight smile as awareness filled my being.  Sixth gear....find it in myself, settle in and enjoy the ride.

melodia

Ta-Da

Feb 4, 2010
Mood: Anxious
Ciggies:  7
Glasses of Wine:  4
Dum-Dums:  3
Burnt bags of popcorn:  1        

Doing your taxes sucks, and I've spent the better part of my day catching up on my general ledger entries for the year.  I am no where near finished, so the brain-fry has just begun.  Every year I say I'm gonna keep up with it monthly and I never do.  Guess you can say that I never learn.  I wonder if the wine and cigarettes that I am finding necessary to get through this task are tax deductible.  Hell, I'm saving the receipts and entering them in the damn ledger under insurance.  Insurance that I don't friggin lose my mind.
So....as I am sifting through mountains of paper, making piles and keying numbers in a ledger I am listening to my ITunes.  I started to wonder if I had to pick my top 10 songs of all time, which ones would make the list?  To supress the dreadful boredom of data entry, I started to make a mental list which I think I finalized tonite.  Maybe I've over-looked a song.  I just kept writing and striking off the list until I felt I could no longer strike a single song on the list.  I had a majorly difficult time picking just one Stones song.  Truth is, I could almost devote my list to the Stones.  Some of the songs have sentimental meaning, as a friend pointed out about some of my sexy foods.  And, yes, I did notice that the major part of the list is classical rock and that I didn't include any of the genres that I listen mostly to these days.  I fully expect debate on the list to follow, and I don't mind one bit - although, I will not be striking a thing from it.

10.  "Lentil" - Sia
9.   "Everlong" - Foo Fighters
8.   "Florida" - Patty Griffin
7.   "All Along the Watchtower" - Dave Matthews (killing 2 birds with one song)
6.   "Sitting Still" - REM
5.   "Speak To Me/Breathe" - Pink Floyd
4.   "Bargain" - The Who
3.  "Babe, I'm Gonna Leave You" - Led Zeppelin
2.  "Locomotive Breath" - Jethro Tull
1.  "Gimme Shelter" - Rolling Stones

One of these days, I'm gonna learn how to pop these suckers out in a separate window (help, KC). In the process of trying to figure it out, I saw that Kurt Cobain's daughter is going to be making her musical debut.  I named a dog I rescued after her once, 'cause I thought the name "Frances Bean" was funny.  The dog was funny, so it fit.  She left my house with a young couple, headed for North Carolina.  I have no idea where Frances Bean is today.  The dog, not the singer. Cheers!

D-Day

It was exactly 5 years and 5 days ago that I last laid eyes on him.  Tired and dirty from a long day of work, albeit the ever-present twinkle in his eye illuminating his smile.  He requested that I bring home some dinner, and since I was without cash and tired I turned him down.  Instead, rustling up ingredients and throwing them together, calling it a meal.  French-bread pizza, and it was surprisingly good.  We sat on the back porch after eating, DMB playing loudly and the wind blowing causing the motion-sensor floodlight to come on and go off.  I honestly can't remember what we talked about, but I recall a moment when he turned to the side and stretched.  I had a flash for an instant and wondered if he would look like his dad when he got older.
Five days later.  Car, tree, flames.....he was gone.  I trembled but I did not cry.  The tears came upon waking the next day and lasted for months.  As I write now they return.
His girlfriend found me at the funeral home.  We escaped the crowd and went outside to have a smoke together.  They say all things happen for a reason.  It didn't seem obvious at the time, but looking back I have much clearer vision. Some events link you to other people despite the past and regardless of things that may happen in the future.  You walk through the fire of hell together, still holding hands when you come out the other side.  All events that follow seem to solidify the bond.  Before long, you know this person so well inside and out that even the simiplest look can take the place of words.  You know exactly the thought, the feeling and they know the look you give them in return. 
On the 5th anniversary of our D-Day, I look into my Monty's eyes and she's right there with me, holding my hand once again.

melodia