Knots

Knots on the pine board ceiling. Knots in my back.  The knot I'm hanging onto at the end of the thread.  Ok, it's not quite that bad....but not too far from it.  Say it with me now - "Her-nee-ate."  Follow that with "Shitballs."  You now have the  synopsis of my past week. A disk in my back went all whacko and shortly thereafter my mind followed.
Flat-assed, face-up and staring at the ceiling I've had my share of flashbacks and ephiphanies which I could share with you but they all come back to one simple bit of advice which is to live life and enjoy each day to the very fullest and to never turn down an opportunity or an invitation and party your ass off like there's no tomorrow and lay on your ass in the sun when it feels good and shout when you feel like it, laugh when something tickles you, avoid crying at all costs, wear whatever you want no matter how inappropriate it is, say what you feel, go where you want, don't answer questions if you don't want to, feel free to ask questions, take drumming lessons, "meep" your boss on the nose, do cartwheels in the rain, sit on the stoop of the house that just gave you candy when you're trick-or-treating and eat all your candy, talk in a foreign accent at midnight in Wal-Mart, wear fur if it keeps you warm and makes you smile, cut your hair or color your hair however you want, drink straight from the milk carton, smoke the last cigarette, help yourself to the last glass of wine without offering it to your company, show "too much cleavage", wear "too-high heels", go topless, go bottomless, make up a name when the barista at Starbucks asks for your name, have botox, go to an asian spa, smoke from a hooka, run in the rain, slam dance at least once so hard you get bruises, and feel totally freakin' free to write run-on sentences any friggin' time you want. 
Simple. Bit of advice.


 

Calendar Year

Funny how time goes faster, it seems, with each passing year.  It has been a year to the very date, I think, since I have written a post for my blog. Often it has come to mind, and often it has passed.  Nothing in particular brings me back to writing on this day.  No promises I make to maintain.  As I do on many mornings on my way to work, I thought about the things I want to do....the things I put on the back-burner.  The unimportant, self-indulgent, unnecessary things spawning mostly out of creativity that are at the bottom of the list.  Things saved for empty days when I have nothing to do, and then the female vocalist cried out through the car speakers".....better off dead....", and here I am.

Throughout the day, my head kept drifting off to my past year.  What has happened, what I was going to write.  I had some really good stories in my head this morning. Amazing what just a few hours can do.  When a friend and I were talking the other night, she complained to me that I seem to be always running.  I nodded my head in agreement, and immediately jumped up to refill our wine glasses, returning to the table with a full glass and a 'Now where were we?'

And so.....where were we? Ironically, the last time I wrote was after a hair show and ironically, I just attended the same annual show, coming out of it in a much better mental state as the last.  Thinking back, sometimes you just need a kick in the pants.  A year later, and my bruises have faded.  Not such a big deal afterall.

A couple of weeks ago, I made it to my favorite getaway on the Gulf.  It was great eventhough I did see some effects of the oil spill.  Honestly, it wasn't as bad as I was expecting.....even with being rushed home by a tropical storm. 

Each year brings life lessons.  Somehow, this year's lessons seem epic - as if I've entered into another chapter in life's journey.  Presumably, I've mellowed into what I can only refer to as 'middle-agedhood."  I can't say I'm overly exurberant about it although I'm not afraid to admit that I do feel some poise, some quiet and some wisdom.  I feel like I'm finally starting to see the forest for the trees, taking notice of the individual trees, admiring their strength and accepting their flaws.
My hope is that I keep this vision, portray it in my daily life and my work. My intent is to bring the things I find important to the front burner, if only for moments here and there. And with that, I leave you, for now.....

One Sweet World

Silent Absolution

Forgiveness - Patty Griffin

We are swimming with the snakes
At the bottom of the well
So silent and peaceful in the
darkness where we fell
But we are not snakes and what's more
We never will be
And if we stay swimming
here forever we will
Never be free


I heard them ringing the bells
In heaven and hell
They got a secret
They're getting ready to tell
It's falling from the sky
Calling from the graves
Open your eyes, boy, I think we are saved



Breathe

I haven't thought of myself as a fragile person. It usually takes quite a commotion to ruffle my feathers.  I have worked hard over the years constructing a suit of armour, yet gaps remain like cracks or fissures through which afflictions sometimes seep.  The armour seems to seal up tightly after an attack letting little, if anything, back out.  The germ boring it's way deeper, spinning, digging and festering. 

It was a helluva weekend thanks to my armour malfunction and I write in attempt to open the armour and let it out.  After a couple of days of self-exploration, deep thought and observation I have come back to the realization that we are all so much alike.  We all have our armour and our fissures. We can choose to hold each other up, help build strength and unity or stab violently away at one another's armour spreading disease in the form of discord, hostility and division.

It is through the power of intention that we approach each and every thing we do.  A simple thought in our heads can drive us to success or defeat.  A simple action or word between us can affect our thoughts and the wheels of process begin to spin in motion.  We each affect each other, in the smallest or greatest of ways.  A subtle smile from a stranger, as tiny as it may seem, may turn a disavowing attitude in the opposite direction - in return causing a very slight vibration of positivity.

Take a minute, close your eyes and take three deep breaths.  Focus on the sensation of the air filling your lungs, then push the air out of your mouth.  Think about the other human beings on this planet.  Think about them breathing the same air you just pulled in through your nose to your lungs and exhaled.  Think about it again, and you are breathing the same air they breathed.  Go deeper, think more, breathe more if you need to.  We are the same.  We all have cracks in our armour.

Why can't we lift each other up, rather than try to pound each other down?  There is no one of us that is better than the other.  We are the same and our words and actions are like dominos.  And your ego - well, it's the same as the next person you meet.  Let's face it, we could all use some stroking.

Canadian geese fly in a Vee formation to maintain flight longer and move faster than if each goose was to fly alone.  They move in formation, taking turns being the front-runners while the geese behind honk to encourage the ones flying ahead.  When the point goose gets tired, he drops back in the formation and another goose takes the lead position.  Finally, when a goose gets sick, or is wounded by gunshot, and falls out, two geese fall out of formation and follow him down to help and protect him. They stay with him until he is either able to fly or until he is dead, and then they launch out on their own or with another formation until they catch up with their group.

We should pay more attention to the geese, strive to be more like them.  Cheering each other on, working in accord to go faster - go further, taking turns being the leader and coming to the aid of the ones in need.  Breathing the same air in alliance, unity and harmony.

melodia

Summer Light

Soaking up the last of the summer light, I tried my best to say goodbye to summer.  Labor Day weekend here and gone and I'm still not ready to bid farewell to bright sun and warm breezes.  A friend of mine recently mentioned how the end of summer somehow seems to mark the beginning of another year to her.  I never really thought about it before, but I feel much the same way.  Winter is not completely horrible, it's just my desire to hold on to the last bit of what I consider the end of another year. 

A year ago, I was still smoking in my car and my house.  Although I have not managed to quit officially, I have managed to keep my habit outdoors with no plan on returning to my old ways.  A year ago, a good friend of mine was coping with an incredibly hard time in her life.  I have watched her grow and blossom in so many ways this year - and that makes me smile on the inside and the outside.  A year ago, I had an old and broken dog who I loved dearly and still miss everyday.  Now, I have a wild buffalo of a young dog who keeps me busy on a daily basis, picking up and repairing the day's destruction.  She is growing on me despite her frequent psychotic episodes. 

Maybe it's not so bad.  The end of another year.  Things changed, decisions were made, lessons were learned and in turn - growth.  It's the beginning of another year, the beginning of who knows what.  Goodbye summer light, hello tomorrow.

melodia

Days Go By

Ok, now who is the big procrastinator here?  For real.  I have been telling myself that I'm gonna write for almost 3 months.  I think it was the utter guilt that I felt after catching up on a good friend's blog that got me to post.  I think she has written nearly every day in the last three months.  I thought I was gonna do the same thing.  I can't even offer an explaination why I haven't other than I have been busy being 'in the moment' and in true Gemini form I have been letting good ideas live and die in my head.
I'm not even sure where to start with the catching up.  I'll just say that things are fine and my head is one swirling hot mess of randomness that could use sorting as bad as my sock drawer.  It has been a long, hot lazy summer.  My garden kept me busy until it burned up in the heat.  I made salsa, fresh tomato sauce for pasta, fried squash and re-discovered fried squash blossoms (OMG!) I pushed aside the yarn and the knitting for the more fitting warm-weather hobby of jewelry-making.  I made a few pretty killer pieces and as a result have a local gallery wanting some of my work.  Lily is tipping the scales at nearly 100 pounds and for the most part remains out of control.  I got new glasses which I despise, but the optician insists they lift my face.  Which, by the way - I learned a phrase never to say to a client.  I got a new oven and a new refrigerator.  I was really tempted to get the oven that had the 'chicken nugget' button on it.  Yep, honest-to-god, there is an oven that has such a button.  (Expect to hear more on this issue at a future date.) I ate enough sushi and drank enough margaritas to last a lifetime, although I know better than that.
The most exciting event of the summer is that my new art studio is in the making.  In a few short weeks, I will once again have a place of my very own.  A small, humble room with a little window and plenty of shelves.  It is the one thing that makes me ready to say goodbye to the summer sun.  The place where I will spend my spare moments getting lost in the process.  And with that, I'll say that I'll write again real soon.