Abandon

I've been called "Type A," "hyper," "spastic."  When I was a kid I called myself "Busy" and my friends have nicknamed me "Bee."  I don't like to sit still.  I  have a hard time concentrating because there's always at least 5 things going on in my head at all times.  Things that happened already.  Things that need to be done. Things that I forgot.  Things I could have done differently.  Things that made me happy.  Things that I loathed.  Things that might happen.

You learn something new everyday, or so you should.  Today I hit 6th gear, purely by accident and it was if myself and my ride connected on a higher level.  Speeding home at dusk, speeding....speeding....speeding.  Then, an undiscovered gear.  Steptronic, I think they call it.  Whatever it is,  the lesson becomes much more obscure.  My lips curled into a slight smile as awareness filled my being.  Sixth gear....find it in myself, settle in and enjoy the ride.

melodia

Ta-Da

Feb 4, 2010
Mood: Anxious
Ciggies:  7
Glasses of Wine:  4
Dum-Dums:  3
Burnt bags of popcorn:  1        

Doing your taxes sucks, and I've spent the better part of my day catching up on my general ledger entries for the year.  I am no where near finished, so the brain-fry has just begun.  Every year I say I'm gonna keep up with it monthly and I never do.  Guess you can say that I never learn.  I wonder if the wine and cigarettes that I am finding necessary to get through this task are tax deductible.  Hell, I'm saving the receipts and entering them in the damn ledger under insurance.  Insurance that I don't friggin lose my mind.
So....as I am sifting through mountains of paper, making piles and keying numbers in a ledger I am listening to my ITunes.  I started to wonder if I had to pick my top 10 songs of all time, which ones would make the list?  To supress the dreadful boredom of data entry, I started to make a mental list which I think I finalized tonite.  Maybe I've over-looked a song.  I just kept writing and striking off the list until I felt I could no longer strike a single song on the list.  I had a majorly difficult time picking just one Stones song.  Truth is, I could almost devote my list to the Stones.  Some of the songs have sentimental meaning, as a friend pointed out about some of my sexy foods.  And, yes, I did notice that the major part of the list is classical rock and that I didn't include any of the genres that I listen mostly to these days.  I fully expect debate on the list to follow, and I don't mind one bit - although, I will not be striking a thing from it.

10.  "Lentil" - Sia
9.   "Everlong" - Foo Fighters
8.   "Florida" - Patty Griffin
7.   "All Along the Watchtower" - Dave Matthews (killing 2 birds with one song)
6.   "Sitting Still" - REM
5.   "Speak To Me/Breathe" - Pink Floyd
4.   "Bargain" - The Who
3.  "Babe, I'm Gonna Leave You" - Led Zeppelin
2.  "Locomotive Breath" - Jethro Tull
1.  "Gimme Shelter" - Rolling Stones

One of these days, I'm gonna learn how to pop these suckers out in a separate window (help, KC). In the process of trying to figure it out, I saw that Kurt Cobain's daughter is going to be making her musical debut.  I named a dog I rescued after her once, 'cause I thought the name "Frances Bean" was funny.  The dog was funny, so it fit.  She left my house with a young couple, headed for North Carolina.  I have no idea where Frances Bean is today.  The dog, not the singer. Cheers!

D-Day

It was exactly 5 years and 5 days ago that I last laid eyes on him.  Tired and dirty from a long day of work, albeit the ever-present twinkle in his eye illuminating his smile.  He requested that I bring home some dinner, and since I was without cash and tired I turned him down.  Instead, rustling up ingredients and throwing them together, calling it a meal.  French-bread pizza, and it was surprisingly good.  We sat on the back porch after eating, DMB playing loudly and the wind blowing causing the motion-sensor floodlight to come on and go off.  I honestly can't remember what we talked about, but I recall a moment when he turned to the side and stretched.  I had a flash for an instant and wondered if he would look like his dad when he got older.
Five days later.  Car, tree, flames.....he was gone.  I trembled but I did not cry.  The tears came upon waking the next day and lasted for months.  As I write now they return.
His girlfriend found me at the funeral home.  We escaped the crowd and went outside to have a smoke together.  They say all things happen for a reason.  It didn't seem obvious at the time, but looking back I have much clearer vision. Some events link you to other people despite the past and regardless of things that may happen in the future.  You walk through the fire of hell together, still holding hands when you come out the other side.  All events that follow seem to solidify the bond.  Before long, you know this person so well inside and out that even the simiplest look can take the place of words.  You know exactly the thought, the feeling and they know the look you give them in return. 
On the 5th anniversary of our D-Day, I look into my Monty's eyes and she's right there with me, holding my hand once again.

melodia

Hot, Hot Sex

Dark green, smooth leaves with light green veins against dark red leaves with pale green centers.  Lacey frisee interspersed with shredded carrots and dotted with sweet red grape tomatoes.  Sprinkle some adzuki sprouts and feta cheese.  Drizzle with Lemon Goddess Dressing.  It's a beautiful, sexy sight.  It got me thinking about sexy food versus non-sexy food.  And that's the way my brain works.

Not-so-sexy foods:  Corn dogs, pudding in a cup, pork skins, peanut brittle, rice crispy treats, yogurt, felafel, bbq pork sandwich, sweet and sour anything, fried chicken (anything chicken and anything fried), cole slaw, cornbread, black-eyed peas, pimento cheese, cheese whiz (is it food?),  fried pies, twinkies, moon pies, Chef Boyardee anything, country-fried steak, turnip greens, cream of wheat, grits, oatmeal, chicken livers, calamari, meatloaf, stew, biscuits, pickles, fig newtons, bean dip, fruit roll ups, beef jerky, vienna sausage, baked beans, pickled eggs (just eww)

Sexy foods:  cupcakes ;P, olives, almonds, anything tapas, fondue, brick oven or grilled pizza, caramel drizzle, oysters, lobster, clams, mussels, snow crab, sushi, sashimi, shrimp cocktail,  artichokes,  heirloom tomatoes, sugar snap peas, grapes, strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, gooey dark chocolate, chimichurri, mojo, eclairs, shrimp fra diavolo, panaang curry, cotton candy, thick filet mignon with a glass of good dark red, eggs benedict, lox bagel, ceviche, gelato,sorbet, mango, hand-cut chips with maytag blue cheese, carpaccio with freshly-shaved parmesan, coq-au-vin, marshmallow creme, fresh roasted beets, artisan lettuce, fresh organic carrots, avocados, grapes, tiramisu

And just because a food is on my not-so-sexy list doesn't mean I don't eat it.  Some things are better left untold.

melodia

Tax Candy

Every morning on my way to work, I see people dressed in Uncle Sam and Lady Liberty costumes standing on the edge of a busy street and waving their little hearts out.  It is beyond disturbing that a tax preparation company would go to such gimmicky lengths to advertise their services.  If you've ever thought you had a shitty job, think again.  Honestly, am I gonna hire the agency with corner tricks to do my taxes? 

It bugs me and I just had to say so.

melodia

Transference

It's like I stepped in a time-machine and transported back in time.  This feeling started unconsciously thursday night, when I had snuck outside to grab a smoke.  The wind was blowing something fierce and in the not-too-far distance I could hear wind chimes clanging madly.  From inside the house, Spoon's new release "Transference" was blaring.  Since I don't smoke so much anymore, I copped a pretty decent buzz from the smoke.  Reminding me of a time when I was much younger, hanging in the back yard of a little house in a college town, listening to incredibly talented musicians jam.  One, in particular, who would never remember me in a million years - but hit the big time.  He would remember a friend of mine, I have no doubt.  Although I've lost contact with that friend too.  So, for all I know they are still hanging in some backyard somewhere jamming.  This tangent has a point, and that is "Transference" takes me back to precisely that time.  Which is really ironic.

from Wikipedia:   "According to The Source published in June 2001, "During transference, people turn into a 'biological time machine.'" A nerve is struck when someone says or does something that reminds you of your past. This creates an "emotional time warp" that transfers your emotional past and your psychological needs into the present."

Friday night was spent at the firepit in the back yard with two of my best friends, and still....."Transference" playing in the background.  I was feeling exactly like I did in the days of hanging out by the river with a campfire burning, and watching the flames dance - in search of answers to questions I had about  my future.  Interesting how those questions never seem to be answered.  We keep on keeping on. We keep having a future and we want to know how it's going to go down. Some things never change and that isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Saturday morning I went to my first official knitting lesson at the coolest little yarn shop ever.  Not just a yarn shop, but a boutique as well.  Even cooler is they carry one of my favorite perfumes that I had been looking for for a while now.  A scent that takes me back - inhaling it and evoking feelings of fearlessness and pure abandon, unlimited creativity and adventure. Sitting at the table were 3 other women who were a good bit older than me and while I was enjoying myself and learning a lot, I was feeling out of my element.  I was wondering how in the hell I got to this stage of life that I am sitting with older women knitting.  Me.  The wild child, Buckhead Fuckhead (a whole other story), once starving-artist turned quasi-successful, offbeat hairdresser.  I am knitting, in public....frigging taking a class.  Just as I reached the edge of a panic attack, a punky young girl walks in.  Early twenties with black scene hair, Killers t-shirt and skully sneakers with a 5-foot long scarf in tow that she is still working on.  She took the seat next to me and we both smiled.  I was instantly back in high school.  All of a sudden, knitting was cool again and my new friend and I talked about coffee shops, hair, bands and gaming on the net.   I'll be going back.  Cool kids can knit too.

Saturday night was Cuban food and a movie.  We were the only Americans in the restaurant and I was reminded of the days when I hung out with my Greek friend in places owned by her friends and family.  Me being the only non-Greek.  It's a role I felt incredibly comfortable in.  Looking back, it's a role I've found myself in repeatedly.....the only "non-whatever" in the place.  I like being the 'non'.......'Non is Good."

Post-movie was spent drinking Cupcake Cab with my bud. "Transference" once again playing in the background while we gave each other assessments from an old book I found about self-discovery.  To be completely honest, I don't remember much due to the wine - but I can tell you that I am an "11" which is a good thing I'm told.  I can't help wondering if 11 is the number of 'non'.

So many things this weekend took me back in time.  I have no idea if the new Spoon release had anything to do with it.  It's nothing new and different from the band and seems like a sampling from previous albums as far as lyrics and melodies.  The thing that took me back was the sound, the "unfinishedness" of it, jumping around from one thing to another which is apparently what the band was going for - to sound more like a demo than a final production.

melodia

Love is in the Air

It seems to be going around....love.  Love lists.  Here's mine:

My Yale sweatshirt. Sand between my toes and the sound of surf.   Crystal clear water and powdery white sand.  Music. Music. Music. A fine red wine.  Patron Margaritas.  Cupcakes - key lime is my most favorite.  Cold dog noses and warm dog hugs.  Bonsai trees.  Funky, creative art.  Faces.  Illy espresso and cappuccino.  Steamed Oysters with lemon-garlic-butter. Sushi. Panaang Curry. Fire-grilled pizza. Carpaccio.  Chimmichurri on top of Cuban Steak or Snapper.  Intimate music venues.  Jasmine Pearls Tea.  Yogi Tea.  Caramel Sauce.  Acoustic guitar up close and personal.  Damn-good-fitting blue jeans. Expressive color in hair.  Scene hair.  Long virgin hair.  Short, funky, spiky hair.  Sunsets in the back yard.  Fire-pit chats.  Dinner in the hot tub.  Game night.  Driving curvy mountain roads with the top down and the music blaring.  A day in my art studio when it all goes right - flinging paint on canvas and stepping back wondering where that 'came from'.  Laying on a quilt in the middle of a field on one of the first warm spring days.  The Red Bar.  Randomness. Mick Jagger.  Roger Daltry.  Jim Morrison.  Jimmy Page.  Elvis Costello.  Dave Matthews.  Michael Timmins.  Tori Amos.  Patty Griffin.  Enigma.  Madonna.  KT Tunstall.   Imogen Heap.  Leela James.  Neko Case.   Blondie - friggin Blondie!  Dark blue or purple toenails.  Massages.  The act of smoking, even if i never do again.  Losing myself in the piano.  Meaningful and original tattoos.  Quirky stories and books.  Confident-enough women.  Hot baths. Eucalyptus-Spearmint or Lemongrass Peppermint.  Tiger Balm.  Words.  Humor. Light breezes.  Warm sun on my skin.  Smiles. Hugs.  Love.  <3