Abandon

I've been called "Type A," "hyper," "spastic."  When I was a kid I called myself "Busy" and my friends have nicknamed me "Bee."  I don't like to sit still.  I  have a hard time concentrating because there's always at least 5 things going on in my head at all times.  Things that happened already.  Things that need to be done. Things that I forgot.  Things I could have done differently.  Things that made me happy.  Things that I loathed.  Things that might happen.

You learn something new everyday, or so you should.  Today I hit 6th gear, purely by accident and it was if myself and my ride connected on a higher level.  Speeding home at dusk, speeding....speeding....speeding.  Then, an undiscovered gear.  Steptronic, I think they call it.  Whatever it is,  the lesson becomes much more obscure.  My lips curled into a slight smile as awareness filled my being.  Sixth gear....find it in myself, settle in and enjoy the ride.

melodia

Ta-Da

Feb 4, 2010
Mood: Anxious
Ciggies:  7
Glasses of Wine:  4
Dum-Dums:  3
Burnt bags of popcorn:  1        

Doing your taxes sucks, and I've spent the better part of my day catching up on my general ledger entries for the year.  I am no where near finished, so the brain-fry has just begun.  Every year I say I'm gonna keep up with it monthly and I never do.  Guess you can say that I never learn.  I wonder if the wine and cigarettes that I am finding necessary to get through this task are tax deductible.  Hell, I'm saving the receipts and entering them in the damn ledger under insurance.  Insurance that I don't friggin lose my mind.
So....as I am sifting through mountains of paper, making piles and keying numbers in a ledger I am listening to my ITunes.  I started to wonder if I had to pick my top 10 songs of all time, which ones would make the list?  To supress the dreadful boredom of data entry, I started to make a mental list which I think I finalized tonite.  Maybe I've over-looked a song.  I just kept writing and striking off the list until I felt I could no longer strike a single song on the list.  I had a majorly difficult time picking just one Stones song.  Truth is, I could almost devote my list to the Stones.  Some of the songs have sentimental meaning, as a friend pointed out about some of my sexy foods.  And, yes, I did notice that the major part of the list is classical rock and that I didn't include any of the genres that I listen mostly to these days.  I fully expect debate on the list to follow, and I don't mind one bit - although, I will not be striking a thing from it.

10.  "Lentil" - Sia
9.   "Everlong" - Foo Fighters
8.   "Florida" - Patty Griffin
7.   "All Along the Watchtower" - Dave Matthews (killing 2 birds with one song)
6.   "Sitting Still" - REM
5.   "Speak To Me/Breathe" - Pink Floyd
4.   "Bargain" - The Who
3.  "Babe, I'm Gonna Leave You" - Led Zeppelin
2.  "Locomotive Breath" - Jethro Tull
1.  "Gimme Shelter" - Rolling Stones

One of these days, I'm gonna learn how to pop these suckers out in a separate window (help, KC). In the process of trying to figure it out, I saw that Kurt Cobain's daughter is going to be making her musical debut.  I named a dog I rescued after her once, 'cause I thought the name "Frances Bean" was funny.  The dog was funny, so it fit.  She left my house with a young couple, headed for North Carolina.  I have no idea where Frances Bean is today.  The dog, not the singer. Cheers!

D-Day

It was exactly 5 years and 5 days ago that I last laid eyes on him.  Tired and dirty from a long day of work, albeit the ever-present twinkle in his eye illuminating his smile.  He requested that I bring home some dinner, and since I was without cash and tired I turned him down.  Instead, rustling up ingredients and throwing them together, calling it a meal.  French-bread pizza, and it was surprisingly good.  We sat on the back porch after eating, DMB playing loudly and the wind blowing causing the motion-sensor floodlight to come on and go off.  I honestly can't remember what we talked about, but I recall a moment when he turned to the side and stretched.  I had a flash for an instant and wondered if he would look like his dad when he got older.
Five days later.  Car, tree, flames.....he was gone.  I trembled but I did not cry.  The tears came upon waking the next day and lasted for months.  As I write now they return.
His girlfriend found me at the funeral home.  We escaped the crowd and went outside to have a smoke together.  They say all things happen for a reason.  It didn't seem obvious at the time, but looking back I have much clearer vision. Some events link you to other people despite the past and regardless of things that may happen in the future.  You walk through the fire of hell together, still holding hands when you come out the other side.  All events that follow seem to solidify the bond.  Before long, you know this person so well inside and out that even the simiplest look can take the place of words.  You know exactly the thought, the feeling and they know the look you give them in return. 
On the 5th anniversary of our D-Day, I look into my Monty's eyes and she's right there with me, holding my hand once again.

melodia